Danny, Danny, Danny, tsk tsk...

--excerpt from Boston Avenue Athletic Club's website-- written by Sonny Dalesandro.
The entire article can be read at

http://www.bostonavenueathleticclub.com/Articles/DB_ARTICLES.cfm?ARTID=120

Official "Fatty"

Well, I did it. I bought clothes from a fat lady store. I NEVER thought I would reach that point, but... thanks to my beautiful son and my lack of will power, I have reached a new plateau. I'm on my way to looking like Gwyneth in Shallow Hal.

I needed some new clothes that actually fit (See "Indecent Exposure") I found Avenue--which is a store for women sizes 14 and up. The good news is I am the smallest size they carry, which makes me kind of feel how I would imagine a size 0 girl feels in a regular store. Anyway, I've gotten some CUTE and comfortable clothes and didn't have to pay much. I hope that I am not a "regular" there for long, but I can't tell you the joy I felt trying on clothes that went on with ease. I am giving myself the holidays and then January 1 I've gotta get my big fat butt in gear!

wow

Teacher parties rule!

AHHHH

I feel completely cut off from the world! My cell phone is in my car, which is in the shop. My only way to communicate is through email. I mean, I can use my school phone but I don't know any flippin numbers anymore b/c I've been handicapped by the ease of scrolling down to a name and pushing send. Nobody checks email as quickly and often as I do throughout the day so I might as well mail a dang letter. The car is supposed to be done Friday which is probably when I'll get my phone because Danny cannot find anytime in his busy busy day to go by the shop and ask for the phone.

UPDATE: Danny went and got it for me and brought it to me at work! Gold Star for Danny! YAY! I have my phone again and all is right with the world again!

Prayers

Thank you Case for sharing your book "Chalkdust". Here are two prayers from that book that are so meaningful to me right now:

FOR THE CHILD I DON'T ESPECIALLY LIKE

Help me, Father.

I don't like this kid.

And I confess I'm inclined to pick on him.
He has a peculiar knack
for being in the wrong place at the wrong time,

and often he bears the blame

when I am mad at the world.

I seem to be after him for every little thing,

but, Father,

there are so many little things.

A more annoying child would be very hard to find.

He gets on my nerves,

and when I'm nervous,

I take it out on him.

It's a vicious circle.

Father, help me as I grapple

with these feelings of irritation and dislike.

Help me, at least, to be fair.

And then perhaps

fairness can lead to kindness

and kindness to affection.

WHEN IT MIGHT BE A "SNOW DAY"

Wow, it's really coming down out there, LORD!

But when is too much snow

enough snow

to close the schools?

I can't imagine

they're going to have school today...

But its 6:17,

and Peggy hasn't called me yet.

The superintendent calls the principal,

the principal calls Peggy,

Peggy calls me,

I call Marilyn and Gary...

It's really coming down!

Oh, LORD, I need a white day---

a day not scribbled up with lesson plans,

a day unmeasured by nerve-jarring bells--

a downy comforter of a day

a marshmallow day

a snow day.

On such a day

I might bake bread

I might read a novel.

I might bake bread and read a novel.

But such a day cannot be taken

when school's going on without me,

and I'm not really sick enough to be home.

No, such a day

can only be given.

Oh, LORD, I need a snow day.
It's 6:38.

The telephone's ringing.

Oh, please, let it be Peggy.

Oh, please, please, please, please, please!

Walmart Bingo

My "choir" group of girls are playing this very soon! I'm very excited!!

Kern v. Case

So I was up late last night--partying hard? mmmm...no. Danny and I were up late playing Wii Mario Cart. We were playing against The Cases on wireless (I'm so high tech now!) We had them

on speaker as we competed hard race after race. I gave it my all, but sadly, I do not possess the skills or experience my worthy opponents have. I thought I'd be cute and choose the baby stroller vehicle to race. If you are not familiar with this vehicle choice, it is much like a real-life stroller--impossible to maneuver! I kept falling off the track, running into stationary objects and losing control of the dang stroller.

My biggest victory last night was coming in 3rd (out of 4). Those that know me well know that I am a very competitive person. So, losing was difficult for me--even harder the next day when it is mixed with fatigue. When my kindergarteners ask, "Why are you yawning Mrs. Kern?" What am I supposed to tell them? It is okay for them to know I am so cool that I play Wii but the shame of losing is to great to share with my little angels. The bottom line is, There can be no more late night races on a school night! Mrs. Kern needs her sleep!

PS Kerns rule Cases drool!

Stupid Gifts

OK I thought my mom had the market on bad gifts until I found this website of stupid gifts. It is hilarious! I can't wait to give the gift of joy to all!

I really want to give the ribbon that says "I have the receipt" to my mom so she can just wrap my "gifts" in that. I haven't received a gift from her I didn't return in like 10 years. Before that, I couldn't drive, so I had to just keep it.

The Best Part Of My Day

One of my classroom moms brought me a giant coke. When your kids are in school please remember this equation:

BIG COKE + YOUR CHILD'S TEACHER= TEACHER IS NICE TO YOUR CHILD :)

I Need New Clothes

So I decided to dress comfortable today after yesterday's fiasco. I'm a little "sporty spice" today with my Back To The Future puffy vest and new(ish) khaki dockers. But, when I sat down in my teacher chair this morning I realized my pants have shrunk! I don't mean that I am fatter... I mean that there is a good 2 inches of pant leg missing--so I am sporting the highwater look today. GO ME! My kindergarteners still think I'm cool though!

So after yesterday's button popping problems and today's dorky dockers I've decided... I NEED NEW CLOTHES!

Indecent Exposure

I decided this morning that it is time to wear my favorite pre-pregnancy clothes--regardless of whether or not they fit "perfectly". So, I'm wearing a Harold's (sniff, sniff...) sleeveless denim dress that is so cute! The dress has little buttons that go all the way down. There is one like it only with sleeves on ebay right now apparently. Anyway, I did the whole sit and bend test this morning to make sure the buttons would stay buttoned. Unfortunately, the test was not quite thorough enough. I AM wearing a long sleeve shirt underneath but skipped on the bottom part--just wore my too small thong--you know I don't want to show off my pantyline through my fat butt. Anyway... when I got out of the car at school this morning I heard "tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh, tuh"--yep I came undone--flasher style. Good Morning Children! So, all day I have been sucking in and buttoning buttons that keep popping open. I look way cute though. I just hope my kindergarteners aren't emotionally scarred from seeing parts of their teacher no one should see! I say it is still a small victory that I can actually wear this dress regardless of how many times my fat squishy belly keeps popping buttons out! Bottom line is, I need to lose like 20 lbs before May or I'm going to be a fat squishy bridesmaid. :)

First Blog

As if I need something else to keep up with, I've decided to start blogging. Where else can you rant and express thoughts? So, here goes nothin'...